Obey

When I was born everyone knew their place as the John Cleese and Two Ronnies reminded us.

Barker: “I look up to him [Cleese] because he is upper class, but I look down on him [Corbett] because he is lower class”.

Corbett: “I know my place”.

It was the privilege of the wife to stay at home, look after the nippers, keep the place clean and have a meal on the table when the husband/father came home at night. “Living Over the Brush” did not assist one, too much, and most we able to disguise that they had never married, by wearing a wedding (curtain) ring from Woolworth. The man’s job was being the Provider.

The war caused many changes. Men that went to fight and never came home and boys who went to fight but came back as men – often bruised and hardened by battle. Women took on factory work, assembling planes, packing parachutes and making steel.

Feminism had taken on a different meaning – no longer a description of good looks, dress sense, sewing skills and making the home look more beautiful. Women were doing jobs formerly performed by their fathers or menfolk. Somewhere along the line OBEY was dropped from the marriage vow of the Bride with the concept that both were equals and would solve problems amicably.

In more than 20 years of officiating at weddings in Spain, I have NEVER some across (or perhaps there was one?) Bride who wanted to promise to obey.

Marriage ceremonies in 2015 are much more liberal although their must be vows and promises and Articles 66-68 of the Spanish Civil Code must be read and translated if the couple are not Spanish. Couples are encouraged to compile their own personal vow, although there are many suggestions at <www.divineservices.org/choose-vows> from which to select but VERY occasionally a couple will each write their own vow (the Groom asking his Bride to be his wife) and the Bride accepting. To personalise the ceremony for themselves, some couples keep their vows secret from the other, sending the only to me for approval.

At a ceremony earlier this week, I could scarcely believe my ears as I heard the Groom ask his Bride “I promise not to keep score, even if I am totally winning.  I vow to love you, honour you, obey you and most important, I vow to watch rugby league with you, till death do us part. I have seen the best of you, the worst of you and I choose both. ”

I always say – but he had never heard – “The secret of a long and happy marriage is to do what your wife tells you”.